ye take the heigh road, eh'll take the loo road...

...'n' eh'll get te Scotlund beforr ye...

Travelling on Saturday to LA for a mega-prize Afdlin won when he won three awards during the Screen Awards last year, getting three tickets to LA plus accommodation and studio tours. After waiting months we finally get a letter telling us when we are going and as usual, it's right smack in the middle of when we really want to get going on our work!!

So we are now two days away from leaving and running like cartoon characters trying to complete jobs and set some kind of self-automated system that will kick in by itself after we leave so that nothing falls apart or gets delayed while we are away.

Some friends of mine just arrived from there and told us how a bottle of water is RM20 so a bottle a day for the whole family cost about RM100! Then some parts of LA are so geared towards the entertainment industry that they couldn't find fresh fruit, couldn't find anything but fastfood, and of course everything costs 3-4 times as much....

BUT I am looking forward to the opportunity of buying clothes off the rack and getting underwear that fits!! (Actually, I could probably do that for a quarter of the cost in Singapore) Though I can't stand the thought of being in the plane for something like 20 hours! And my fear of flying and general 20th Century Fear Unhappy Thing Happening away from my kids and home doesn't help.

In all, at the moment, the cons of going outweigh the cons of staying. The only thing that keeps me hanging on with gritted teeth to the idea of going through the whole week long exercise is my utter distaste for waste. If someone could go in my place, I would be happy, but I think it is way too late for that. Some more we kicked up a fuss about keeping the tickets because at one point we heard that Afdlin would only be given two despite being the winner of three (was he deemed to be too greedy for assuming he would get the prize he was offered?)

I am being ungrateful, I know it, but at the moment heartstrings and gut-level fears have a hold on me. Once I get through the trip I shall be happy as larry to be somewhere coldish and expensive.

Anyway, once we get back we shall be full into the swing of things, starting production on Los Dan Faun. I have been assisting Afdlin in his capacity as Producer, and must say that after a slow and cranky start, I am still ambivalent about producing. I know I have some ability, but I don't think I have as much passion for it as others may. My real passion still is writing, but unfortunately writing at home can be difficult (a real guilt trip) and writing at work can be filled with distractions. My other passion is acting but I don't have enough talent or lack of inhibition to really go somewhere with that (though being inhibited hasn;t stopped many a Malaysian actor, it's not quite that way that I want to go).

And despite my attitude about it, producing to me seems to afford me more purpose in my little working community of our company and our industry, since acting seems ultimately time-consumingly selfish, and writing by necessity requires solitude for me. So for now, producing is the kind of half-way compromise to feeling and being useful. The only real enjoyment I get out of producing is the planning, reading contracts and scripts, and writing proposals (not surprisingly, all completely introverted aspects). Once I have to start executing them, a sort of cloudy cotton-wool-headedness descends upon me and I start becoming a bit blah.

Anyways, off to a slow start today so I thought I'd indulge in a passion I haven't visited for a while. Thanks for listening!

Lovey, C