It's been a month since I quit smoking and I haven't had a strong desire to smoke, funnily enough. Not so funny is my sudden chocaholism and salty food craving... I have been spending an awful lot of time watching exercise programmes late into the night, no, just watching. Then I wake up to get the kids to school after a short night of sleep and spend the rest of the day trying not to fall asleep. The need for distraction signals to me some sort of stress - and that need is so overpowering that I will spend an hour or more watching crap on the tv just to have something to occupy my mind or "wind down" before sleep. Duh, dearie, why dont you just use that hour to sleep? I hear you say. That would be common sensical, but common sense has little effect over the intention to be ineffectual, tired and useless.
Yes, I admit, I want to be ineffectual, tired and useless. I want someone else to take my girls to school, be their mother, father and friend, buy their food and supplies, bring them home from school and listen to their tireless chatter, jump up and down when they say so in order to avoid tantrums, help them do their homework properly instead of doing it for them because it's faster and less stressful (I am that stoopid) and put them to bed. I want someone else to do my walking, thinking and anticipating for me. I just want to sleep, stretch, feed and water myself and help myself to the toilet. That's all.
But that's just a state of mind. It's just depressing how powerful a state of mind can be.
Got a role playing Mrs Stockmann in Henrik Ibsen's "Enemy of the People", which I would recommend to everyone to come and see, if only to gawk at the stupidity of mankind, or the boorish non-thinking of the mob mentality. It's also quite funny, and there's a whole slew of talented people involved, including Joanna Bessey the Director, and actors Na'a Murad, Zalfian Fuzi, Razif Hashim, Ari Ratos, U-En Ng, Cheryl Tan and a heap of other talented young things. It will run for almost two weeks beginning first week of August. Will keep you posted.