Tuesday, May 16, 2006

where have all the cowboys gone?

they went home for mama's cookin'!

I've been thinking to myself lately, at what point does a man's macho-ness become irritating, or even downright wrong? I like a man to be macho enough to pull his own socks up and get his own dinner, but sensitive enough to know what's wrong without me having to say it and to drive as if the rest of us are precious cargo. Is that too much to ask?

Because even in the happiest marriages, there's always something that niggles. I'm not talking from a purely female perspective - hey, we girls can piss loads of people off all the time too! But I can only speak from my point of view within a marriage, which generally takes on the male-female aspects of relationships, rather than anything else. There definitely has to be a lot of give and take, sometimes happily done, sometimes a lifelong toleration, but that's the only way two people can live with each other for more than 50 years without taking each others' eyes out!

When I look at the single people around me, I wonder if they will ever hook up with anyone for life. People have so many "issues" and conditions about the way things should be and seem to forget there is another whole human being with a past and a future and dreams and aspirations that they have to learn to live with. We can't plug oddly shaped souls into our "partner dock"!

I say mothers really do shape the way a family progresses, and all too often good mothers put themselves down and let themselves feel guilty, or let others make them feel guilty, instead of owning their achievements and making a stand for their place inthe family. Of course, there are fathers who do more than they are expected to, as welll as single fathers and house husbands, but I want to talk about mothers today!

Even good mothers screw up, and they should just think of how they would treat their children if their kids screwed up too. Most mums feel compassion for their kids, so most mums should feel compassion for themselves too. However, if they are likely to beat up their kids for screwing up, then those mothers are either really harsh on themselves or are not good mothers at all (not a comment on spanking - I am on the fence about that, or rather, I am all over the place about that)

The other day I heard John Mayer singing "daughters" - every time I hear it I feel like having a cosmic cry over good people all over the world and cute good people like John Mayer who point out how fighting the good fight is a good thing. I love the concept of "good", not good in the religious or scholarly sense, but in the sense of us all being able to do the right thing, even when we do screw up and make mistakes, of having a good heart and being good to others for the sake of being good. Good in the truest sense of the word, good as we knew it back when reality was a nursery rhyme and everything had huge consequences.

If you can understand that meaning of good, you can see good in everyone, but I suppose that's not good for "the real world" where nobody else is practising "good"!



Anonymous said...

I'm not too sure where ALL the cowboys have gone but my guess is a couple could have gone fishing at Brokeback Mt.. eeeww.

Been reading ur posts for quite some time now, and must admit that this is the first one that i cant understand in its entirety. Each paragraph seem to relate to diffrent issues. U seem to hv gone 'deep' with this one. Not that its wrong or anything. It's just diffrent.

Happy Belated Mother's Day and regards to Afdlin.


mamabio said...

good is a very subjective word. u may do something good today but that 'good' may not good to others.. just as long as we do good or we think we do good, i thing it's good enough..

ontahsapo said...

taylor! taylor! taylor!

Anonymous said...

what do you mean good in a religeous or scholarly sense. I think you've mistaken about your own religeon dear. Point out a 'good' thing and refer it to your religeon. I most definitely think everything good is religeous or as i could best put it, religeon is a part of your life, a part of our life.

If we're apart from it, well everything bad derives from the slip offs of the fundamental 'good'.. so in short, take a step back and ponder.

Sen's Station said...


do u watch 'No Reservations: Anthony Bourdain ?' Cool hah ?? I love that show !

It's really nice reading ur posts ! Super Cool !

take care..

Anonymous said...


"good NOT in a religious or scholarly way". what chris probably meant was people being good instinctively, without reference to the Holy Quran or the Guidebook to Social Etiquette. when you see an old lady struggling to cross a busy street, do you take a step back and ponder to see if its right to offer your help? when you are short-changed by 3 cents at McDonalds, do you actually subject the cashier to a lecture about halal and haram?

what youre saying is true and specific, that we should ultimately live our lives in accordance to our religious dos and donts. you, me, chris, and probably all God fearing people know this. what chris said was also true, albeit unspecific. I dont think she mistook her religion with what she had to say.

I hope you have a good weekend.


Min Chan said...

Hmmm, you're pissed off about something! :D

I say mothers really do shape the way a family progresses...
I agree with you 100%!

After reading through your post, I get the sense you have a lot in your head which you are trying to process. Pissed off about something or other...

mamasan said...

Thanks, Afiq, for your comment. I think maybe we have a differing perception of the meaning of "religion". I see "religion" as an organised, human-centric form of worship, not so much as a way of living. I guess because I am a sceptic when it comes to people who use religion for their benefit (and I am not making a blanket generalisation here). I refer to earnest believers as spiritual people, people who really do live a sincere reflection of their respective doctrines. It's true, it may be a negative view of religion, but I do think that it's easy to disguise politics as religion and to condemn others for being different under the safety of religious belief. We all know that patience, acceptance and love are the key to good moral behaviour, but why do so many people use "God's word" as they interpret it, to incite hatred and bigotry? So, when I refer to religious, I mean human rites and rituals as opposed to the act of believing in something bigger than us all. Hope I'm making sense.


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